Moon river, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style, some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker, Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way...

My name's Cat & I run a
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I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.

Terry Pratchett

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.”

- Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

(via allerleihrauch)

His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an immediate impression of the Floorboard and Ceiling Inspectors Synchronized Observation Team.

Terry Pratchett, Night Watch (via the-alchemist-guild)

(Source: motellights)

Mort’s innate honesty will never make him a poet; if Mort ever compared a girl to a summer’s day, it would be followed by a thoughtful explanation of what day he had in mind and whether it was raining at the time.

Mort, Terry Pratchett. (via the-library-and-step-on-it)

When you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow’s-point- of-view is seldom necessary.

Terry Pratchett—Small Gods (via n0b0by)

This wasn’t the little piggy that went to market, or the little piggy that stayed at home. It would be quite hard to imagine what kind of foot would have a piggy like this, but it would probably be the kind that had hair and scales and toenails like cashew nuts.
This piggy was the size of a pony. This piggy had tusks. And it wasn’t pink. It was a blue-black color and covered with sharp hair but it did have - let’s be fair, thought Colon - little red piggy eyes.
This little piggy looked like the little piggy that killed the boarhounds, disemboweled the horse, and ate the huntsman.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay (via jamesphillimoresumbrella)

"Do you know much about the history of this place?"

"Not much, though I’d like to know where the chandeliers went."

"That’s easy enough. One went to the Opera House, the other ended up in the Assassins’ Guild."

"Might be hard to get them back, then. Dangerous people to tangle with."

"Yes. Some of those sopranos can kick like a mule."

Going Postal - Terry Pratchett (via glitter-and-be-gay)

When people were in serious trouble they went to a witch.*

* Sometimes, of course, to say, “please stop doing it.

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum  (via commanderspock)

(Source: gottaquoteit)

Cuddy had only been a guard for a few days, but already he had absorbed one important and basic fact: it is almost impossible for anyone to be in a street without breaking the law.

Terry Pratchett, “Men at Arms” (via twin-city-ankh-and-morpork)

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